And hopefully, we can slowly remind people that we're still human beings, even if we don't look you in the eye, even if we might only whisper or shout, and even when other people act like we are less human than they are.
Accepting my Autistic Self – #TakeTheMaskOff
If I acknowledge that masking wasn't always necessary, it means that I equally have to acknowledge the mental turmoil I lived through as an autistic masker. And daring to even go down that rabbit hole within myself means acknowledging how truly emotionally broken I was. How emotionally cut off from life that I was.
“Why Are You Crying?”
"But I do also cry when I open up and connect with people who love me, my family and husband. When I am overwhelmed with feelings of understanding and genuine caring from others. When I read other people's experiences that nearly mirror my own. When I feel like I can finally communicate and express caring towards other people without feeling weak or sensitive or immature and know it will be received and understood by others."
Schools Don’t Care about Disabled Students
I want to know why my school doesn't care about disabled students. I wish I had cared sooner.
Neurotypical Worry
Whenever I talk about myself, it's usually to make other people understand, not because I like talking about myself. I actually hate talking about myself verbally to other people. I fear that I may be perceived as cold, arrogant, uninterested in others, or smug. It's so befuddling to me that other people think my internal motivations would be to gain sympathy or attention...
Update: Doctors Visits and (lack of) Judgment
I started tearing up, looking at the ground, and didn't speak. They got out of their office chair and walked up to me slightly and quietly said "This is a safe space here. You're okay." I really, really appreciated this one gesture. It made me tear up more in relief, because literally no one has ever said that to me. They didn't ask me why I was crying, or why, or how I was feeling. They just said "You are safe here." I was suddenly less worried about expectations to speak verbally or act a certain way.
Doctor Visits and Judgment
This is a draft I wrote to potentially have a doctor understand me. I have no idea if it'll work and it could very well backfire on me. I already had a meltdown after calling the receptionist to schedule the appointment (as a new patient to a doctor) because they wouldn't answer a simple question … Continue reading Doctor Visits and Judgment
“Pay Attention!”
Pat your head and rub your belly while talking to me and tell me if it's hard to talk. Play the drums, snare drum, bass drum, and high hat at the same time while talking to me, and tell me if it's hard to talk. Read a textbook that is very jargon-y while talking to … Continue reading “Pay Attention!”
Alexithymia and Interoception
When I realized that wearing headphones had helped me with anxiety in multiple ways/multiple places, I tried to check in with my sensory environment at least every few hours every day. Setting a reminder might help. Here are some pragmatic things I check to determine my emotional state:
Autistic Toddlers and Parent Expectations
Parents are often given what sounds like a "devastating" diagnosis of autism for their child. Autism is not a death sentence, and doctors can't predict the future. Just because you hear that your 2 or 3-year-old is autistic, doesn't mean that they can't live a happy life. You can be autistic and happy. It's possible.
Autistic Science Person 