Leadership Skills

Once, I took a class about leadership, but really it was a presentation class. Every class period, we learned to be more aware of what we were doing, how we were sitting, how it felt. I was waiting for them to say what I was doing wrong, how I wasn't speaking well, or not making …

Autistic Burnout, “Regression,” and Identity Crisis – #TaketheMaskOff Week 4

Part 1: Autistic Burnout - Playing on the Social Field Autistic burnout = I literally can't pretend and devote 90% of my energy to being on your social playing field anymore. Metaphorically, I have to go lie down in the grass because I've played too many games on the social field. No one will have …

Online Communities, Happy Autistic Stories

White person playing Minecraft on the computer with red backlit keyboard.

"I think we understand that everyone else is trying just as much as we are to form friendships and connections, and that autistic people's neurotypical-based social skills don't correlate to effort. We know we are always trying even if it doesn't look like it to other people."

“Just Be Yourself” – #TaketheMaskOff

And hopefully, we can slowly remind people that we're still human beings, even if we don't look you in the eye, even if we might only whisper or shout, and even when other people act like we are less human than they are.

Accepting my Autistic Self – #TakeTheMaskOff

If I acknowledge that masking wasn't always necessary, it means that I equally have to acknowledge the mental turmoil I lived through as an autistic masker. And daring to even go down that rabbit hole within myself means acknowledging how truly emotionally broken I was. How emotionally cut off from life that I was.

“Why Are You Crying?”

"But I do also cry when I open up and connect with people who love me, my family and husband. When I am overwhelmed with feelings of understanding and genuine caring from others. When I read other people's experiences that nearly mirror my own. When I feel like I can finally communicate and express caring towards other people without feeling weak or sensitive or immature and know it will be received and understood by others."

Neurotypical Worry

Whenever I talk about myself, it's usually to make other people understand, not because I like talking about myself. I actually hate talking about myself verbally to other people. I fear that I may be perceived as cold, arrogant, uninterested in others, or smug. It's so befuddling to me that other people think my internal motivations would be to gain sympathy or attention...

Update: Doctors Visits and (lack of) Judgment

I started tearing up, looking at the ground, and didn't speak. They got out of their office chair and walked up to me slightly and quietly said "This is a safe space here. You're okay."  I really, really appreciated this one gesture. It made me tear up more in relief, because literally no one has ever said that to me. They didn't ask me why I was crying, or why, or how I was feeling. They just said "You are safe here." I was suddenly less worried about expectations to speak verbally or act a certain way.

Doctor Visits and Judgment

This is a draft I wrote to potentially have a doctor understand me. I have no idea if it'll work and it could very well backfire on me. I already had a meltdown after calling the receptionist to schedule the appointment (as a new patient to a doctor) because they wouldn't answer a simple question …

%d bloggers like this: